Ann Clutter Brain

ANN CLUTTER BRAIN

(Any resemblance to a living person is purely coincidental, except where intended)

She’s considered a political pundit, God’s gift to the Crazy Right.  Sometimes she tries to be ultra-serious and other times ultra-funny and ends up being neither.  She never learned that these two poles are opposites.  The late great Don Rickles could handle rapid-fire insults and make them funny.  The audience laughed with him in appreciation but Clutter Brain’s efforts at humorous barbs cause most people to throw up their hands in shock and disbelief. 

“Annie Got Her Pun” doesn’t work for the unfunny at heart.  Compared to his comic genius, she has no sense of proportion or of moral balance.  She walks a teeter totter like a drunken sailor; she ends up “bombing” which is just as well as she seems rather partial to bombing as military strategy.   God knows if we dropped her from a plane in a parachute the people on the ground below would take one look and run for their lives.  Scatter Brain is coming!!!

She has an Enemy’s List and woe to those whose name should appear on it.  She likens herself to a female Attila the Hun.  She is sworn to crush and curse all who dare oppose her because in her own little fantasy mind she wields a mighty sword.  Her twisted thoughts strangle the air of out of reasonableness so she can indulge her play fantasy of medieval knight slaughtering imaginary dragons.  She’s a prime candidate for the psychiatrist’s couch if she weren’t already so crazy.

On her Enemy’s List (oh!) is the word Liberal.  I use the word “liberal” advisedly because in her cold heart she shows no empathy, no ability to relate to a real human being.  Like all ultra-right nut jobs before her, she constantly seeks a scapegoat. 

Ann Clutter Brain wishes to make her number one scapegoat people who believe in American democracy, who believe America is for everyone and not just the rich.  She hates that thought.  She hides her own wealth behind this fake outrage. It’s the old bait-and-switch technique. 

In the South, the wealthy exploiters of back-breaking labor brainwash poor whites into believing poor blacks are their true enemy.  The rich don’t mention they themselves are the true exploiters of the poor whites and they are the ones (not the blacks) who benefit the most from keep poor whites dirt poor.  Oh no, never that admission! 

In Germany, the Nazis screamed the Jews are to blame for everything.  They didn’t tell the Germans that it was the Nazis themselves who were really greedy, brutal, and insane.      

In every country in every clime throughout all time, the Rulers-in-Power seek to protect that power through coercive force and mangled lies. They prefer scapegoats as a way to preserve their twisted version of what is happening and why. 

The longer they can fool enough people into focusing their anger and hatred on some sacrificial scapegoat, their own power to rule and steal remains unthreatened and virtually impregnable. 

Every dictator, every emperor, every tyrant employed the same technique. It is nothing new.  Ann Clutter Brain offers it again: Hate the Liberal, hate the Muslim, hate the Jew, hate the Black, hate the Native American, hate the “whoever” while we rule and rob the country blind. 

She represents the thieves and murderers of the rich, that’s all.  She is offering repackaged hatred.  She is the voice of Reaction, of Intransigent Wealth, of Power Mad Top Dogs.

What does she mean by a Liberal? 

·        Could she mean the Liberals of 1776 who fought a revolution against England? 

·        Could she mean the Liberals who fought a Civil War to free an enslaved race? 

·        Could she mean the Liberals who fought to free women from man’s domination? 

·        Could she mean the Liberals who supported FDR when it was time to go to war to crush the serpent head of fascism? 

·        Could she mean the Liberals who supported JFK to pass civil rights legislation, establish the Peace Corps, and put a man on the moon?

·        Could she mean the Liberals who wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution? 

·        Could she mean American Liberals who took these words to heart, from 1776 to today, and fight to protect and extend these rights to all Americans? 

Which group of Liberals does she mean?  Ann Clutter Brain fails to tell us or she makes up a ridiculous definition for them.  She’s the spoiled brat of a conservative family brainwashed at birth to think, speak, and act a certain way. 

The Nazis taught their children to hate Jews.  The Southern racists taught their children to hate Blacks.  Wealthy conservative families taught their children to hate Liberals: same story, same process, just different groups to hate and scapegoat. 

As a consequence, she lacks the native intelligence to transcend her circumstances. She cannot achieve an objective perspective because her ego wallows in narcissistic mud baths.  She cannot operate on a scholarly level because her nasty personality does not allow it.  She cannot handle scientific discovery because her child’s brain did not leave sufficient room for her imagination to encompass answers that did not accord with her conservative childhood brainwashing.

During slavery, she would have been a slave-owner.  Aye, and more; not just a slave-owner, she would have been one of the “clever ones” rationalizing it nine ways from heaven every single day of her life.  Had she born during the Inquisition, she would have been a nasty mean and spiteful Grand Inquisitor willing to outdo them all, given over to mad fits of orgies of torture where she could wring her hands in glee to see others suffer such anguish. 

(Can you imagine Ann Clutter Brain in command of the Instruments of Torture when a heretic named Liberal was brought before her?  She would have died of sheer boundless joy, no doubt!)

Hers is the same demagogue’s mind-set found throughout the ages.  She attaches herself to the top class of the wealthy and powerful and does all she can through hateful vitriol to create new scapegoats for persecution.  She wishes to show the way to a bloody fate for others. 

She doesn’t wish to do honest physical labor.  People of her class seldom do.  She is verily extremely wealthy.  Naturally, she willingly serves as a mouthpiece for members of her class even wealthier than she (charity work for the billionaires, one imagines). 

She has little or no empathy for people who work for a living, who draw a modest salary and must strive to make ends meet, because she hasn’t a clue what such a lifestyle means.  It would be like asking a slave-owner to feel empathy for the beaten accursed slave; the slave-owner is too busy explaining why the slave has to be beaten to have time to feel empathy.  When you preach hate, you cannot teach love. 

She betrays her gender by taking the best qualities of women and twisting them into a tangled mess.  She wants to play with the men but she’s not about to suit up and put on a football helmet.  No, she might get hurt, even crushed, if she did.  She only goes where she can win her petty little spats like a jealous twisted high school queen looking for revenge over an imaginary insult of her own delusional making.  

Trained in the legal profession, Ann Clutter Brain will avoid saying something that might cause her to be sued: up to the line, no more, then the coward’s retreat.  No principles to defend, not even in jest or anger.  Her game is about play-pretend while hauling in the loot.

Everyone becomes her enemy, the first sign of the coming demagogue gone mad.  Can she nurse this inner child of her demagoguery to greater glory or will she peak, then crash and burn?  What scandal of lies and corruption shall we see emerging from the fiery pit with her reincarnated ghostly spirit of hate-destroying phantasmagoria?

She is Queen-twisted in her own egomania when she is actually a light-weight.  She is no great thinker, not even an average light-bulb.  Whatever capacity for originality she once may have had is drying up faster than she can water it from her well of hatred, for hate kills healthy brain cells.  She belongs to a dying line of idiots, not a thriving Matriarch of Mind.

She attacks science as part of her game.  It is only one more lie, one more ounce of hatred, one more misconception kept propped up on artificial life-support.  In Germany, it is one more lie about the Jews.  In the South, it is one more lie about Black people. 

She is always ready to add this additional ounce of hatred to the mountainous mass of lies already told, but she mistakes her ounce for originality.   Fascism is crushed, slavery is crushed, and yet she chooses to engage in the same propaganda techniques, substituting the repetition of nonsense for meaningful analysis.

No wonder the Ultra-Right loves her so!  They make her a Queen, give her rather large crumbs from the millionaires’ table.  They keep her pumped up full of hot air, provide her a place to rant and rave, hire the critics to praise her scribbling as something other than nonsense. 

Always thus do members of the ruling class hire mouthpieces and pull the strings on their little dancing puppets.  Is she a female puppet or a male puppet?  Does it matter?  Either way, she’s just another puppet doing the bidding of her associates within the master class.  If they ask her to sit up and bark for her million dollar crumbs, she would positively howl!

We’ve seen a thousand men do it—now we see a woman doing the same.  She spies the money and sees a way to get on Easy Street.  Do men think they are good at lying and fooling people? She’ll go them one better.  Do men believe they are good at ridiculous rationalizations?  She’ll show them she can beat them at their own game.  Don’t mess with her fiction.

Like a South African apartheid-supporting racist, she thinks white people own this country, too.  The U.S. is for white people, according to Clutter Brain.  Against the historical backdrop of slavery and genocide against Native American peoples, what an absurd claim!

Shall we ignore the millions of black people brought here as slaves?  White people profit from slavery and then whine when they discover descendants of slaves still live here!   She bemoans the fact that white people are a lessening majority and what were once “minorities” will soon be the new majority.  She’ll use her own guilty conscience to try and provoke fear in others.

What’s she after?  Money, power, status, and control: always the same for the selfish and greedy, their true agenda.  To do no work; let others labor!  To that end, they vigorously pursue policies that provoke violence.  They maintain a system that pits ethnic minorities against one another.  Nothing changes.  It’s the same old strategy given the Clutter Brain treatment. 

Don’t trust anybody, hate everybody, help search for a scapegoat.  Maybe it’s Mexicans, Jews, Blacks, Gays, Muslims.  Let’s keep going until we find the group that resonates fear the best: then it’s full steam ahead.  Get aboard the Clutter Brain’s Boat of Hatred! 

It’s time to arrest, beat, deport, lynch, maim, murder, slander, and slime somebody, anybody, it really doesn’t matter who.  Somebody always has to pay for the sins of her class.  Could it be an undocumented immigrant working for years to harvest the crops we eat?  Oooh, make us afraid, Ms. Clutter Brain, please do! 

She’s a card-carrying provocateur, is what she is.  She’ll find ways to start a fight and then hide.  She’ll come back to measure the blood spilled and steal anybody’s property left unattended. 

She’ll keep on looking ways to increase the wealth of her class and that of her own, no matter the cost in pain and suffering to other human beings.  She’s cold and heartless: no doubt that’s why she’s fooled herself into thinking she’d make a Great Queen of Hatred and Spite!

She must suffer from a real inferiority complex to pick on others so but that’s a story best left for another day.  Only the insecure find ways to enjoy tearing people down rather than building them up (oh you stupid bitch, shut your face!) 

She probably won’t marry (what man would put up with such a shrew?) and probably won’t have children: you need to have the life instinct of love to have kids.  Hers would be soulless brats, more than a mom could bear.  Once she saw they were becoming just like her she might end up drowning them.

What she is good at is engaging in fascist-like techniques of repeating lies, nonsense, and exaggerated bogus claims unrelated to anybody’s reality save her own.  Were she not so awfully rich she’d be a candidate for the looney bin . . . but money buys its own way out of every jam.

What did the German fascists say?  “The bigger the lie” the more chance there is of it being believed.  What did the world answer?  “Nonsense repeated day after day does not cease to be nonsense.”  Where do they agree, the fascist propagandists and the utterances of Ann Clutter Brain?  A scapegoat, they must have a scapegoat! 

Purpose?  To distract people from a discussion of their real problems: causes and solutions.  Aim? To focus their alienation, confusion, and dissatisfaction on a poor defenseless group: Blacks, Jews, Muslims, Gays, Communists, Scientists, Liberals . . . the list keeps growing.   

Hidden Agenda?  To turn the people’s questions and criticisms into anger and hatred aimed at a recognizably defined group by skin color, by dress, by the yellow star on their clothing, the pink triangle, the brand on the black skin, the feather in the hair, the rainbow emblem. 

Ann Clutter Brain’s main goal is to reinforce every kind of nasty bigotry she can dredge up: old hatreds, new hatreds, hybrid hatreds, any and all kinds of hatred. 

She wallows in contempt, condescension, and cruelty to show others the way.  She wishes to promote and promulgate these attitudes and concepts so she can undermine American values and virtues by substituting something worse in their place.  By sowing confusion, she helps protect the status quo, the conservative agenda, keeping power and wealth where it belongs.        

She wishes to inject hatred, distrust and mistrust into the bloodstream of her fellow Americans.  The crazy radical Muslims overseas detonate bombs to sow confusion despair and distrust. 

At home, the crazy conservative Ann Clutter Brain pursues the same approach with word bombs of hatred to explode amidst minds and hearts, twisting and distorting rational ideas and loving emotions into their exact opposites. 

Not much of a difference, is there?  Sow confusion, sow mistrust, sow hatred everywhere! Whose agenda is being described thusly, that of Islamic fundamentalists or that of the Ann Clutter Brain fundamentalists?

She is impolite, unprofessional, rude, vulgar, nasty, and vile.  And she revels in it!  Like an immature teenager she takes to extremes all the worst emotional traits of jealousy, pettiness, and spitefulness.  You can feel the nails scratching the face, clawing at the eyes. 

She likes most any kind of insult but better yet the clever insult--the kind with punch and verve and rabid bite--but best of all she likes the nastiest insult her screwed up temperament can devise.  Yet she’s not a silly child or an irresponsible teenager; she’s an adult who refuses to concede that grown-ups should outgrow such juvenile imbecility.  She prefers her childish temper tantrums to adult maturity, apparently: “no, I won’t listen!!” 

Like all pundits of her ilk, she makes a good living at it.  Hey, for those with no moral rudder, who wouldn’t willingly give up their adult sanity to make as much money as she does?  She’ll die richer than you and me but she’ll also die dried up, twisted, bitter, alone.  She doesn’t realize that yet but one day she will.    

She’ll clutch her money to her breast at the end and wonder what she can buy and who she can insult once she crosses over into the great beyond . . . as she enters Ann Clutter Brain Heaven with only rich white people allowed except for servants, maids, and slaves.  

Hey, somebody has to wait on her hand and foot!  It is “heaven” after all.  Let’s hope she has sense enough not to insult God but who can tell when her wagging tongue will get the best of her?